Harry Potter and the Aftershock
by Charlie DG
Summary: A funny and Adventurous, Post HP7 story of Harry, Ron and Hermione. I'm no good at short summary's so please just read it and tell me what you think. Rated M for Themes, language, and sex in later chapters...
1. I think I slept with Ron

**Authors note:**

I realize this story isn't as good as I might have hoped. But hey! cut me some slack, its my first fanfic. So please tell me what you think and how i can improve. I'm also sorry i didnt give it a real ending, but if anyones interested in knowing what happens, just ask and i will complete it. **  
**

This story takes place a few month after the battle of Hogwarts in HP7. It is a comedy, Action-Adventure Romance about Harry's life after Voldemorts defeat. Be sure to leave me your reviews if you like it or hate it. Also, because this is a comedy it will contain some crude humor and also some OOC characters. The one big difference in this story, is that Fred isn't dead. Yes, Fred is alive, 'cause i needed him to be in the story later on. You'll see why, if u keep reading.

The first few chapters are just mood setters, it gets much better later on, so don't worry.

Rated Mature for starred (*) language and VIVID reference to sex, drugs and also contains gory Violence in further chapters.

Enjoy!

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**CHAPTER ONE**

**I think I slept with Ron**

Voldemort was not a normal young boy. He was a wizard, and on top of being a wizard he was the _boy who lived_. He got this title because the evil wizard baby Harry Potter refused to die and tried to shatter Voldemort's soul. But Voldemort's soul was secretly hidden in a forest and he became_the boy who lived_. And everyone, even the wonderful and kind Bellatrix hated the evil and notorious… Harry Potter.

I woke up in my bed. Scared, wondering if the dream was true, if I was really the bad guy, but the shock went away in a second as I realized that a dream is nothing more than a dream.

"Bloody hell Harry, you sure sweat when you have nightmares". Ron said as he stretched. I was about to ask him how he knew I was having a nightmare, but I just realized I was sleeping next to Ron, in the same bed…

"What the f*** Ron? Why are you in my Bed?" I asked.

"Oh, I was having a nightmare too Harry" said Ron.

I stared at him in disgust. "So you decided to sleep next to me? I mean, what would Ginny think if she saw us?"

"She did" he said with an idiotic smile.

I wanted to punch him but decided my wand would be more threatening. I think he noticed my anger and quickly added "but she didn't mind, she said she was fine with u being bi, just as long as you aren't gay."

"You're a d*ck, you know that?" I said to him.

"But you have to understand harry, I was being attacked by huge spiders, and I knew if my dream became real you would protect me" he blushed as he said it "because you're so manly and have such boyish good looks and huge biceps and triceps and highceps and lowceps and backceps and frontceps etc. etc".

"Why didn't you go sleep with Hermione? She's much better than me at magic?"

"But she's a girl Harry". He said innocently.

"So you'd rather sleep with me than your girlfriend?" I asked.

His face turned redder than his hair "well, I wouldn't exactly call her my girlfriend, we've only kissed once and that was in the middle of the deadliest battle in history" he said. "Not very romantic is it?"

"But dude, you were like swallowing her whole face" I said with a laugh, "it looked like you were going to suck her mouth dry." The last thing I remember after that was Ron screaming "SHUT UP!" and a punch in the face. Then, everything went black.

I woke up with a pain in my face and Ginny sitting by my side on the bed. Hermione was standing on the other side of the room and hiding behind her was Ron asking Ginny if I was dead.

"You're not that strong Ron" said an annoyed Hermione.

I wanted to get up and beat the shit out of Ron but my face was hurting too much. He was crouched cowardly behind Hermione.

"Why did you punch him? You dumbass" Ginny scolded Ron.

Ron went red again.

I must admit, I had started to admire his color changing ability. "How long was I out?" I asked Ginny. But Hermione answered.

"Just a few minutes, like I said… Ron isn't that strong"

We put the matter behind us and Ron and Hermione left. Ginny just sat there looking at me, I could tell she wanted to talk to me about something; either that or she was having her period. I don't know. Do periods make you stare at people making them uncomfortable? I really don't know because I've never had one and they don't teach you this stuff at Hogwarts. But then she started to talk. Thank God it wasn't her period.

"My dad's coming over." She said. "He said he needs your help with something".

A few hours later Mr. and Mrs. Weasley showed up at our door. It was the second time the two came to visit since Ron, Hermione, Ginny and I moved in. We bought this place in a muggle town named Poopinshire (muggles have no shame). It was a nice neighborhood. The couple who lived on our right was murdered by their deformed son, and the kids on our left had recently been kidnapped so we didn't need to worry about too much noise. And in the house across from us lived a 12 year old girl named Abby. She was a real joy to see in the morning. She wore all black and had scars on her face and wrists. I've never seen her parents, but I see her every morning standing still on the front lawn with a rusty chain holding together her hands and feet to her neck. When Ginny and I have kids I want them to be just like her. She's so cute.

Anyway, I'm off topic. It's always pretty fun when we all get together because usually me and Mr. Weasley join forces and make fun of Ron until he cries. This time was no different. We were sitting at the dinner table when we started.

"One time when Ron was little he ate his own poo" told Mrs. Weasley. We all laughed (except Ron). The conversation went on for about an hour before Ron punched me in the face again. I woke to see Ron crying in the corner and Hermione consoling him. I guess I should have seen it coming this time.

In all the hype of calming Ron down, Mr. Weasley asked me to step outside with him for a moment. It was a full moon tonight. And it was also the first time I saw Abby outside at night. She was standing in her usual spot. I waved at her but she just stood there, she's a shy girl.

"Son, I wanted to talk to you about something" he said. I paid attention because it seemed serious.

"I was talking to the minister the other day. He said that ever since you defeated Voldemort, there has been a serious rise in criminal activity the department of Magical law enforcement is going crazy" he said with a sigh.

"But I thought that Voldemort's death would put an end to all the evil stuff" I said.

"Yes well, Voldemort wasn't the only criminal in our world was he? And now that he's dead it seems by destroying Voldemort, we've left all the other criminals a space to roam in. they don't have a boss to report to anymore, they don't have any orders to follow. They are looking to be the new Bosses, they want to take over"

"But who do you mean by 'they'? I thought we killed most of the death eaters?"

"Well Harry, not all bad people supported Voldemort. He had his enemies, people who wanted to take over the wizarding world for themselves" He sighed once more. "Voldemort's death has left his position as leader open".

I looked over across the street at Abby she seemed to be paying attention to what we were saying, and I just realized that she was a muggle. Mr. Weasley probably realized it too because he then proceeded to say in an unnaturally loud voice "Good job Harry, you are a wonderful actor… umm… our play about wizards will be a hit. Let's go back and perform it in front of the Family". And with that he led me back into the house. While our way in, he whispered something in my ear, "Kingsley has asked for your help, he wants you and Ron to become Aurors".


	2. I Meet Some Old Friends

**Authors note:**

ok, so heres the second chapter. It took me a while but i finnaly got it done. It's a little longer and doesn't have as much comedy but sure gets the plot going. Enjoy and tell me what u think.

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**CHAPTER TWO**

**I Meet Some Old Friends**

Mr. Weasley slept over at our house that night. In the morning, the 3 of us used floo powder to get to the ministry. We took the elevator ride to the second level and the Minister led us into the Auror department. The two of us got our own offices instead of cubicles like the rest of the not-so-important Aurors. Our offices were side by side and had an open window in between them so we could talk to each other. I made a small paper airplane with a message and sent it over to him.

**Dear Fatty,**

**Isn't this f***ing awesome!**

** Love Harry**

As soon as I sent it I noticed a small airplane hovering over my head. I grabbed it and read it.

**Hi Harry, **

**I heard Shacklebolt hired you and Ron as Aurors.**

**That's awesome; I work as an Auror too. Well, I used to actually.**

**I need you and Ron to meet me in Jake Hoodspank's office immediately.**

**He's the Head of the Auror Department.**

** Neville Longbottom**

Ron and I Immediately left for Hoodspank's office. We acted all cool-and-stuff while walking out of our offices so we could pretend like we were big shots and the other Aurors didn't matter. Ron even stopped to middle-finger them each individually. Once we were satisfied with our taunting we proceeded towards Hoodspank's office.

The office was just a little larger than mine and was full with pictures and newspaper clippings of people hung on the walls. Behind the desk there was a man sitting in a high chair. He was black and bald. In fact the only hair on his face was his Hitler style mustache. Sitting in a chair in front of the desk was Neville with his long hair and a sexy scar on his face.

Hoodspank saw us first and told us to come in. well actually he said "Yo! Iz ma homie HP 'nd his b*tch [Ron]. Cum in 'nd zit down Nigga'z!"

I don't think Ron really liked to be called my bitch but he wasn't going to mess with guy. Even from behind the table you could see how much muscle this guy had. And his Hitler mustache wasn't exactly friendly. He looked pretty buff. That is, until he got up and walked up to us. This guy was frickin 2 feet 3 inches tall! And that is when Ron made the biggest mistake of his life. That sad excuse for a wizard started laughing. LAUGHING! But as soon as Ron looked down at the guys face and saw the death stare of a lifetime, he shut his mouth faster than you can say .

"Don't worry guys, I was just joking, I don't really talk like that" said Hoodspank with a laugh.

"But are you really that short?" Ron asked.

Hoodspank laughed "no, I am vertically challenged. If never been taller than this in my life"

"So why did you call us here?" I asked. That's when Neville got up and came up to us. I couldn't help but notice how much weight he'd lost.

"Hey Neville, I didn't know you were an Auror" said Ron.

"Yeah, but I might be leaving the department now"

"How come?"

"I got a job offer at Hogwarts; they want me to teach herbology there. But I need to have an interview with the new headmaster to see if I qualify as a teacher".

"Oh, so when are you going?" Ron asked. It was Hoodspank who replied.

"Well that's actually what we called you guys over for. We have your first mission. With crime on the rise, we need 4 Aurors to go to Hogwarts with Mr. Longbottom, so in total we will have 5, you will reside in the Three Broomsticks for 2 days before the school opens. Your mission is to stand by; for there is a chance someone will try to sneak in before the school starts. In this time period Neville will attend his interview with the new Headmaster. Once the 2 days are over, we will transport you to Kings cross station from where you will board the Hogwarts Express and accompany the students to Hogwarts. The possibility of a possible screw up is very possible so be on the lookout for possible possibilities of an attack… there could possibly be one. Understand?" He raised an eyebrow in question.

"Sorta, but we are only three guys. You said there will be 5 Aurors." I asked.  
And that's when I heard a girl's voice behind me.  
"I'm the fourth" it was Hannah Abbott; I remembered the blonde chick from Hogwarts. She walked up to us. "Hello Harry, long time no see" she looked at Ron, said "Ron" and gave him a little nod.  
"Hey Hannah, I didn't know you became an Auror too"  
She smiled. "The ministry offered the job to everyone who fought in the battle. But this job isn't for me; I got a job in Hogsmeade. You're looking at the new owner of The Three Broomsticks. This is my last mission too" she said as she looked at Neville.  
"That's great!" I told her "so who's the 5th?"  
"Yes, we were hoping your friend Ms. Granger would like to accompany you on your safeguarding mission." said Hoodspank.  
"I'm pretty sure she would, Hermione's been with us through all of our battles" said Ron. "It'll be fun, all of us, back in Hogwarts".  
"Your mission will not be fun you fool!" barked Hoodspank. "We are certain there will be an attempt to break into that school or to kidnap one of students! If you let anything bad happen, I will stick your head up something tighter than a Nun's Vagina! Yes, I did just say that!" Hoodspank got an evil Hitler style twinkle in his eyes to match his mustache.  
The four of us left Hoodspank's office and agreed that Neville and Hannah would come to our house tomorrow evening and we would leave for Hogsmeade together after dinner.  
We spent the rest of the day planning our trip. Ron and Hermione would sleep in the same room because Ron finally got the guts to shag her, and thinks this is the perfect opportunity to lose his virginity. We decided to take our brooms so we can gather a few more people and play Quidditch. We also decided that Ginny should stay with her parents while we're gone so she won't be too lonely and kill herself by drowning her head in the toilet like she tried last time. I'm just joking... It was in the sink not the toilet.

After a boring day and about 5 thousands paper airplane notes, we apparated home.  
Hermione was pretty happy about the mission; she started to pack right away. Ginny was pretty down though. When Ron and Hermione had disappeared upstairs, I went into the kitchen to cheer her up. She was sitting at the table when I walked in so I sat down next to her. "I thought this fighting evil thing was over Harry. I thought we would be able to live together in peace".  
I got up and gave her a kiss on the cheek "it's only two days darling". She pulled me into a proper kiss. We were lip locked for a few seconds before she started to unbutton my shirt, but then I heard Ron coming down the stairs so we didn't get much further than that. Ginny and I have only done it twice, and both times it was sensational, but with Ron and Hermione in the house, we don't get too many private moments.  
Ron was out in the living room now so I leaned in and whispered in Ginny's ear. "We'll send them on vacation when we get back from Hogsmeade". She laughed and gave me another kiss. Then Ron walked in and went wide eyed at us kissing, he's still sort of awkward about us being together. I threw a box of tissues at him as a sign to go away but he told us that "Hermione is calling you two upstairs". Ron and I glared stupidly at each other for a few minutes before I got up and left.

We had the day next day off from Auror duty so we could get everything ready for our trip. Hermione had to go to the Ministry for a few hours in the morning so Hoodspank could give her, her office and she could get all the information we needed about our mission. She came back with a bunch of sheets with instructions. There was a map of Hogwarts, which I really didn't need because I had the marauders map, a map of Hogsmeade, a list of criminals on the loose who might possibly strike and a pack of condoms. I have a feeling the condoms might not have been from the ministry. Hermione was happy, she said that it would be pretty cool, the 3 of us going back to Hogwarts.  
"Harry, imagine the memories, the good and bad, it will be so nice for the three of us to go back there". She let out a sigh of happiness. "It will be just like old times"


	3. The Explosive, DD

**Authors Note:**

I know i'm late, i got caught up in the New Year. Happy New Year! btw.

Anyway, enjoy!

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**CHAPTER THREE**

**The Explosive, Diarrhea Dick**

Neville and Hannah came over just before we started to eat. They brought two suitcases each with them which I found odd, but then I remembered that the two were going to be living in Hogsmeade after the mission.

Dinner was much funnier than it had been in a while. Ron made dinner by himself for the first time. But none of us actually ate it. He was the only one eating, pretending to enjoy his cooking. I could see Ron was pretty upset because none of us ate his cooking. But never in a million years would we eat something this shit-sucker cooked. After sitting at the table and making fun of Ron for a while, we all went out into the living room to talk while Ron stayed in the kitchen to cry.  
Hannah and Neville sat down next to each other and Ginny and Hermione sat down next to me.  
"I wish I could come" said Ginny. "I'd like to see Hogwarts again too".  
"I don't think you'd want to come if you knew what we were up against" said Hannah.  
"What do you mean?" I asked her.  
"There's this wizard who just tried to rob Gringotts. He didn't succeed but he still got away" said Neville. "They call him the 'Diarrhea Dick' and the ministry thinks he will probably try to kidnap someone on the Hogwarts express. It would be much easier for him to kidnap a kid for ransom rather than rob a bank".  
I stopped him right there. "Wait! Why is he called the Diarrhea Dick?" I asked.  
"Two reasons, he smells really bad and he has mastered the Diarrhea Curse. It gives people a severe case of exploding diarrhea. And by exploding, I mean your ass will explode. Terrible curse, this one." said Neville.  
Ginny looked at me worried. "Oh do be careful Harry, if you get Diarrhea, then we can't do you-know-what when you get back and that would stink!"  
"Don't worry baby". I gave her a kiss, "I'll keep my ass nice and clean for you."

We brought all of our bags down and got ready to leave. Ginny was the first to leave, she went to spend the next two days with her parents so she wouldn't get lonely. After saying goodbye, We 5 Aurors grabbed our bags and apparated to Hogsmeade.  
We landed right outside of the three Broomsticks. The town looked pretty empty, most of the times we had been here was with a bunch of Hogwarts students. And the times I had been here without the students aren't exactly good times. There was the time when Dumbledore and I landed here right before his assassination at Hogwarts and the time we were almost attacked by Dementors and death eaters. The thought about Dumbledore made me a bit uncomfortable. I had grown to except the fact he was dead, but then JK Rowling told the world he was gay. This got me thinking whether he was a pedophile too, because he told me he cared about me once. I put the thought aside and left a mental note in my head to visit his brother sometime during our mission. I was lost in my thoughts when Madame Rosemerta came out of the inn and brought me back to real-time. She looked pretty much the same, except she was paler and had a few extra wrinkles. We all Hugged and said our "hi, how are you"s, after which she invited us into the inn, flooding my mind with memories and then she took us up some stairs and showed us our rooms. She showed me mine first and then moved on to Ron and Hermione's. She smiled as she told them the walls were sound proof and there were no hidden cameras. To my surprise Neville and Hannah were also going to share a room. I never really noticed anything between them in the short while we've spent together.

Ron was looking edgy during the tour. I didn't understand what his problem was but he looked at me with a pleading expression that looked like he was saying "I WANT BUTT-SEX! AND I WANT IT NOW!"  
He glared at me for a while before turning his attention to Hermione's boobs. I think Hannah noticed it too because she gave Ron a disgusted look.  
That night I woke to a terrible smell. It smelled like cow shit. I sprayed a bit of febreeze around my room but even that didn't make it better. And that's when it hit me. The Diarrhea Dick was somewhere in the inn. And he was probably causing the smell. I immediately got my wand out and crept open my door. No one was there. I tried my best to sniff out the direction of the smell and it led me to the bathroom. I heard a sort of moaning that sounded a lot like an elephant giving birth. I didn't want to take any chances so I busted open the door and yelled "Stupefy!" as fast as I could.

It was Ron. He was sitting on the toilet when I had hit him with the spell. And now he was sitting on the toilet, stupefied, yet still shitting. My spell had caused a scene and Hermione and Neville immediately got up and Came over to the bathroom. Hermione shrieked at the sight of Ron and I quickly explained everything. Neville just went back to bed saying he doesn't have the will power to care about anyone at this hour. Hermione on the other hand was furious. She made me wipe Ron's ass and then carry him naked, all the way back to their room. Hermione said that Ron was with her when he had to go to the bathroom so I knew the Diarrhea Dick didn't do this, but I was wondering if Ron had lost his virginity tonight. I asked Hermione but she just got pissed and told me to ask Ron when he will unstupefy.  
I went back to sleep after finishing up my whole can of febreeze. I was woken again at dawn by Ron. He said he wanted to talk to me so I just punched him in the ballz and told him to come back later when I actually want to be awake.  
I then woke up around 9am. I was feeling pretty hungry because I hadn't eaten dinner last night.

We ate breakfast down in the bar place-thing and then headed out. We decided that Hannah and Hermione would both Patrol Hogsmeade while Ron and I accompany Neville to Hogwarts.  
On our way there me and Ron had what is probably the most uncomfortable talk of our lives. The part that made it most uncomfortable was the fact that Neville was listening to every word we said. This is how it went, word-for-word:

I asked the first question "so what happened between you and Hermione last night? Did u get to f*ck her before you decided to take the biggest dump of your life?"  
Ron looked at me uncomfortably as Neville let out a little laugh and sighed.  
"Harry, I lost my virginity last night, and I think I lost my dignity too. We were having so much fun. She was being all romantic and I started kissing her on the neck when she took my shirt off. And I grabbed her tits as we kissed. It was amazing." he sighed as he remembered the moments. "Then we took off our clothes and I got to see a girl naked for the first time, by the way Harry, did u know girls don't have dicks. Then I put my thingy in a small wet hole between her legs and it felt so good. Then she told me to push in and out and I was on top of her doing that when I felt a sudden jerk in my stomach and my ass shot out a huge chunk of shit right on the bed. I think it was probably my cooking last night that caused it, and I still feel like I might blowup anytime, anyway, how am I suppose to ever have sex with Hermione again?" he looked at me with his usual clueless stare. I'm not sure what expression I had, it was probably something like "get this dumb-f*ck away from me!" Neville on the other hand was bright red and pounding with laughter.

Thankfully I didn't have to say anything because right then Ron asked Neville what he'd been doing last night.  
"I had a very sensational night with Hannah, Ron! Unlike you, I don't shit on my girlfriend!" he said as he cooled down.  
"When did you and Hannah get together?" I asked him eager to change the subject because last time I had sex was weeks ago.  
"A while after she joined the Auror department" he responded.  
"I never noticed anything between you two at Hogwarts". I said.  
"Well I didn't really know her that well at Hogwarts". He said blushing.  
Just then we saw a large man walking towards us ahead of us. At first I couldn't see him but then I realized it was Hagrid, the man who introduced me to the Wizarding World. He smiled at us as we approached one another. But when we were just a few meters apart, ready to break out into a crushing hug, he stopped and looked over my shoulder as his smile faded. I turned around to see what he was looking at, and I realized why his smile had faded. It was a shining white dragon, slowly coming towards us. But then Hagrid just smiled again and gave me a hug.  
"Look at you Harry, you've grown so tall, I remember when you was just a little baby". I pointed at the dragon behind us feeling like 'what the f*ck? Do you guys not see that!'  
"It's a patronas Harry" said Neville. "Hannah's Patronas is a dragon".  
"But what's it doing here?" asked Hagrid. And like on cue, the dragon spoke in Hannah's voice. "We found something here, Hurry and up with the interview and come back ASAP".


	4. How Abby was Found

**Authors Note:**

I don't believe in Disclaimers, because as the name of this site suggests, this is a **fan** fiction, as in, **I am a fan** and **nothing more**.

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**CHAPTER FOUR**

**How Abby was found**

Dumbledore's old office looked very much like it had before. The only difference now, was the fact that I was no longer Dumbledore's office. It now belonged to the old man sitting in a wheelchair behind a desk.

"Come in, come in!" he smiled at us. "You must be Mr. Longbottom" he said to Neville. "And I trust you are the famous Harry potter and Ronald Weasley!"

We nodded and shook hands. We told the old Man we had to get back to Hogsmeade soon so he hurried the interview. It went somewhat like this:

**Old Man:** so tell me... are you gay?

**Neville:** um, no sir, I'm not.

**Old Man**: what about you Harry?

**Harry:** I'm not gay.

Old Man looks at Ron. But Ron shakes his head.

**Old Man:** well, that's a shame. My grandson was looking for a nice boyfriend. He prefers older men.

Then the Old man gave Neville the job saying he starts right after he gets off the Hogwarts Express tomorrow.

Hagrid was waiting for us outside the office. He had some school standard brooms ready for us. I boarded one and noticed that there were only three.

"Aren't you coming Hagrid?" I asked him.

"I can't fit on one of those Harry" he said with a chuckle, "I'll catch up with you guys later".

We rode the brooms back to the inn. Hermione was waiting with Madame Rosemerta inside.

"Thank god your here" said Hermione "Get out your wands and follow me".

We followed Hermione out the door and down the street. Madame Rosemerta was not allowed to come because this was serious Auror business.

We continued walking down the street and then took a right turn; we kept walking until the buildings started to disappear. I had never been in this part of the town before. After about 10 minutes of walking, we had left the town behind us. I guess Hermione felt it was ok to tell us what was going on now.

"We met Abby" said Hermione; "she's a witch harry".

It came as a shock but seemed believable enough. No muggle child could be as cute as her. "We found her outside the hogs head, she was crying. We asked her what was wrong; she kept mumbling something about her mother never coming back and then she passed out" Hermione kept looking around with her wand ready, so we decided to do the same. "We took her back to the three broomsticks, and then she woke up, but not exactly awake. She just got up, and as if she was sleep walking, without saying a word walked out of the inn, we tried to stop her but she didn't listen and just kept on walking so we followed her". Hermione stopped and pointed to the mountain in front of us. The sky was getting dark and in the distance we could make out a small light coming from a cave in the mountain. "That's where she took us, and then she just sat down and completely zoned out. Hannah's sill up there, she's guarding her. But what I really want to show you guys is where she led us. You won't believe it".

I took it all in and then asked a question that was on my mind form the beginning "why don't we just apparate there?"

"We tried, it doesn't work, it has the same spell on it as Hogwarts. You'll see why when we get there."

The four of us, Neville, Hermione, Ron, and I walked at a fast pace. The sky was beginning to get darker which was odd because it was probably 2 o'clock in the afternoon. We heard thunder over head and walked faster and faster. As we approached the foot of the mountain and began walking up the steep ground, Ron asked the question I had on my mind.

"What did you find? Just tell us"

"I won't Ron; you have to see it for yourself. I wonder what would have happened if we had found it earlier" she began talking more to herself than us now. "It could've helped so much. So many people wouldn't have had to die harry!" she said with watery eyes. "Tonks, Lupin, Fred, Colin, and maybe even Dumbledore!"

The mood got a bit tenser and with a bang of thunder, it began to rain from the grey clouds overhead. What could it have been that could have helped us so much?

"No, I'm just being silly". She started crying as Ron comforted her "we would have died if we had found it. They would have killed us!"

"Who?" asked Neville.

"The death eaters of course" said Hermione.

Everyone was silent for the rest of the way. I don't know about Ron and Neville but I was starting to get really curious about this and I really wanted to know what it was the girls had found.

Finally after a long walk we reached the cave. It was dark inside. And at the opening of the cave was the light we had seen. It was a wand sticking out from a large boulder with the 'lumos' spell on.

Hermione looked at us all, and then quietly signaled us to follow her inside.

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**Authors note:**

i know this one's short, but it was getting too long so i just picked this part to end chapter 4 and continue it in chapter 5.

It isn't as funny, as you have probably already figured out, but hopefully you liked it.


	5. Hannah's Coffin

**CHAPTER 5**

**Hannah's coffin**

The cave seemed a bit cozy after being drenched by rain outside. We had our wands lit as we slowly walked through the rocks and bones that littered the floor of the cave. Despite Hermione's best efforts, progress through the cave was slow. The three of us would continually stop to examine some of the bones. There were both human and animal skeletons.

Ron detached a tiny bone from the pinky of a human skeleton and held it up.

"Hey Harry, this is the size of Neville's dick" he laughed.

Neville responded by pulling down his pants and revealing a 10' boner. Hermione went wide eyed at the site and Ron quickly apologized for "disrespecting the big daddy to all cocks". Hermione just whistled and said "Hannah must have it good, unlike our bullshit night together" while looking straight at Ron.

We kept silent for the rest of the walk. About 1 minute into the cave, it started to get humid and the cave walls became slimy. It also started to smell terrible, almost as bad as Ron's breath. Then we hit a dead end, except for a large wooden door sticking out from the side of the cave.

Hermione sighed a sigh of relief "we're here" she said.

She tried to open the door but it was locked. She tried the 'Alohomora' spell and the door opened. Beyond it was the last thing you'd expect to find in the heart of a mountain.

It was a large rectangular room, with a ceiling about 10 feet high. Lit by a million candles burning around, I could see that the walls were painted with bright colors and shrouded with paintings of breathtaking scenery and golden curtains with no windows to hide. Across the room was a cobblestone fireplace, and on each side of the room was a door similar to the one we were standing in. In the center of the room, on top of an Arabian style carpet stood a couch and two sofas surrounding a wood and glass coffee table. To sum it all up, it looked as if we had walked straight into the queen's living room. But there was one thing that made the whole place seem a million times less hostile.

Atop the fireplace on the far side of the room was a sleeping portrait of Voldemort.

"What is this place?" asked Neville in awe.

"Wait" said Hermione. "Where's Hannah and Abby?"

"The door was locked" said Neville.

"Hannah?" Hermione called out. No answer came back. Hermione ran for one of the doors and yanked it open.

We walked into a long, concrete corridor with more wooden doors running along it.

The place was lit only by the glow of candles behind us and another wand that was lit at the far end of the corridor.

"Come here" said Hermione as she opened the first door on the right. "Do you know what happened to the bodies of Voldemort and all the death eaters?" she asked.

"They were stolen" said Neville. I looked over at him with surprise.

"I thought the ministry disposed of them" I said.

"Yeah, but the bodies were stolen before we could" he looked back and forth between me and Hermione. "We decided not to say anything because everyone was so happy Voldemort was dead".

Hermione was silent for a minute but then walked through the door as we followed.

"We found the bodies Neville" she said it in a hushed whisper that sent a chill down my spine.

Hermione had led us into a concrete room. It was lit dimly with only two or three candles that burned around. It was just enough light to make out the pale faces of everyone as we stared at what lay in the middle of the room.

It was a coffin, made of black wood and Lined with gold. In the center of it, in shiny letters, was written the name 'Bellatrix Lestrange'.

Neville was the one who brought us out of our stance.

"Check all the rooms" he said "Find Hannah and the girl".

With that we all ran out and began checking each room. Neville and Ron went back to the living room place and disappeared through the other door. Hermione and I were just about reaching the end of our corridor when we heard a girl (Ron) scream from the other corridor. We ran as fast as we could with wands held tight in our hands, through the door, into the living room, and through the other door.

Neville was standing at the end of corridor, staring into the last room. We ran up to him and saw Ron passed out on the floor next to him.

"We found Abby" he said as he pointed into the room.

And there she was, sitting right on top of a coffin in the middle of the room. But she looked different. Her hair was so thin I could see her scalp, and she was bleeding from her head. On top of that, she was naked. I'm not a pedophile or anything, but this girl had tits. How could a twelve year old have such nice tits? But then again, I had only guessed her age before. And I'd never seen her closer than a streets length apart.

Anyway, she was defiantly not cute right now. Her eyes were staring into nothingness and she completely ignored us.

We stood there looking at her through the door when we heard a thump and she jumped up a bit. I don't think I realized what had happened that exact moment but with a second thump, Neville ran into the room and grabbed Abby, forcing her off the coffin. Just behind him, Hermione ran up to the Coffin and jerked it open with her wand pointed straight inside.

A figure shot itself out of the coffin and gasped for breath, then started coughing. I wasn't able to see the persons face, but I knew it was Hannah as soon as both Neville and Hermione forced her into a hug.

"I'm ok!" she said as she held tightly onto Neville. "I was just running out of air in there".

I was still standing in the Dark corridor, I looked down at Ron and asked Neville what happened to him.

"Oh, he's just a Pussy" said Neville "he couldn't take the shock of finding Abby. By the way, you guys still haven't told me who she is"

Hermione explained to Neville how we knew Abby as I slowly walked into the room towards the girl. She was lying naked on the floor where Neville had put her.

She was still staring into nothing as I bent down beside her. I put my hand on her shoulder and as soon as I touched her, she grabbed onto me and pulled me into a tight hug. I felt her tities rub against me.

"Ginny doesn't hear a word about this" I said to Neville and Hermione as we walked back to the living room.

Once everyone was back into the living room, we went over what had happened. It turns out, after Hermione left; Abby got undressed and smacked Hannah's head into a wall. She then locked her in a coffin until we came to save her. Throughout the whole story, Abby, who was now wearing Neville's over coat, was listening carefully.

"I'm sorry I did that" she said. I couldn't help but notice how sweet her voice was. "I don't have control over what I do sometimes"

"What do you mean?" I asked her.

"I'm not really a wizard" she looked like she was about to cry.

"The soul of some dead wizard possessed me when I was a baby"

We were all quite, waiting for more info, but there was none. It might have crossed my mind that it was Voldemort's soul, but he died recently, and Abby said she's been possessed since she was a baby.

"So what is this place?" asked Neville as he looked at the portrait of Voldemort above the fireplace.

"It was used as the secret Headquarters for the darkest wizard who has ever lived, but one is now used as a burial ground for him and his followers." said Abby.

"Wait, he's buried here?" asked Hermione.

Abby got up and walked over to the portrait of Voldemort. She then touched the spot between the two slits he has for a nose.

Then, just like it does for the common room of Gryffindor, it opened up revealing another, much larger room behind it.

I pulled myself onto the fireplace and looked through the frame. The room looked like a workshop. There was a high ceiling with industrial lighting. There were desks and chairs along the walls with parchment and books spread everywhere. There were also a few cupboards which I guessed had potion supplies. But the thing that caught our attention was in the corner of the room. It was a large cage with bloody bodies hung upside-down in it.

"Are those...?" Hermione asked.

"Yeah" I answered, "Muggles".

Ron, who was awake now, and Abby were watching in shock from outside.

Hermione walked over to the desks and started examining them, "Go and sit outside" she said to Neville and me. We obeyed and crawled our way back into the living room.

Abby sat down next to me and silently shed a few tears on my shoulder.

"It's ok, it's not like you know any of them" I said trying to comfort he. But I knew it didn't matter if we knew them or not, they were still human beings.

She wiped her tears and in a broken voice said "the blonde woman, the one in the cage… she was my mom".

Before I could respond, Hermione came out of the portrait and looked at Abby sympathetically.

"Grab all of your stuff, were leaving" she said.

"Why?" Ron asked.

"The candles were burning from before we got here, there's no magic on them, I checked. Someone was here, and whoever it was is coming back. We don't know who it is, or how powerful this person is. But I'm guessing he or she loyal to this dead guy" she pointed at Voldemort's picture. "Let's move! We'll call HQ and get some more Aurors here ASAP"

We tried our best to cover up our tracks, though I'm pretty sure it didn't work, and then got back into the cave, locked the door and ran out. We didn't stop running until we were back in town, where it was safe.


	6. Time To Reflect

**CHAPTER SIX**

**Time to Reflect**

Abby was a muggle possessed by a wizard's ghost. Ron had reached ultimate stupidity with theories about Voldemort's return, and Hermione was ready to use the killing curse on someone. Plus, I got hard because of a naked teenage girl. Life as an Auror didn't get any better than this (sarcasm).

According to Ron, Voldemort's horcrux inside me might not have been completely destroyed because I'm still alive. That son of a bitch (no offense to Mrs. Weasley) offered to kill me. So I put a body binding curse on him and now he's lying in the corner of his room silently weeping to himself.

The first thing we did after we got back to the inn was contact Hoodspank at the Auror department. He said that he was sending a team over and we should stick to our mission and look out for anything else.

Tomorrow was our last day here and then we board the Hogwarts express.

I was actually glad Hoodspank didn't ask us to join the investigation of the cave. It's not that I'm not interested in what that place was, after all it's most likely the big HQ of my former nemesis, but I was done with this. Voldemort was gone and the world needed to accept the fact that they could now live without worry.

All I wanted now was to go home and hope that the cave was just a home to some retarded Hobo.

* * *

**Authors Note:**

I know this isn't much of a Chapter. Its meant to be a sort of break Between Chapter 5 and the next. I just thought i'd take a few words to kindle together some of Harry's thoughts.


	7. I Cheat on Ginny

**CHAPTER SEVEN**

**I Cheat on Ginny**

Abby slept with me that night. Ron and Hermione wanted to give sex another go and Hannah said she was too traumatized by what happened in chapter 5. Well, that's what she said anyway. I personally believe that she just wanted to enjoy Neville's thunder cock.

My biggest concern was not what people would think of me sleeping next to a teenage girl, it was what I would do if she got possessed again.

She didn't get possessed that night. Thank fully.

We spent much of the time talking. I wanted to get the image of her mother out of her mind. I started by asking her how old she was.

"How old are you Abby?"

"Don't you know?"

"Well I've always thought you were twelve, until today... 'cause I saw you're... package"

She did a little embarrassed giggle, "I'm 16 Harry"

I must admit I was in shock.

"What about you Harry, how old are you?"

"I'm 18" I replied.

"So your only 2 years older than me?"

I nodded my head "I guess"

"Well then I guess it's not wrong for me to do this" she did another one of her little giggles and put her hand on my lower stomach.

"Abby, I'm engaged to Ron's sister" I said pushing her hand away. Her smile faded.

"The orange head girl who lives with you guys? She's your fiancée?"

"Well, not officially, but we do plan to get married after her studies"

"She doesn't have to know" and with that she pulled me onto her lips. I was keen to avoid kissing back but I fell into it and let our tongues touch.

Now before I go on, it's important to explain, she was cute again. Once the spirit left her, she stopped bleeding and her hair regained its thickness.

After about 5 minutes of kissing, she finally let go and stepped back smiling like an idiot.

"That was amazing Harry" she whispered seductively. I think my face showed a sign of approval because she immediately came back, ripped off my shirt and began kissing again. Before I knew it we were both making out in our underwear.

To sum up the rest of the night I would like to say that we did not have sex with each other. We did get naked but her seducing was no challenge for the guilt of cheating on Ginny.

After our little, and highly regretted romance, Abby curled up next to me in bed and we slept. The two of us... cuddling together, with our arms around each other... naked... boob to boob... sleeping... with an unlocked door.

Yes, a mistake that makes me wish Voldemort had killed me as a child.

Hopefully you're smart enough to see where this is going.

We were awoken by a scream. Thankfully we had sheets covering our bodies but the embarrassment remained unhidden. The scream had been none other than Hermione's, who was standing in shock at the door.

"Harry!" she screamed as she shut the door and walked in. "Abby is a minor, did you have sex with her?"

"I swear I didn't Hermione" I protested.

Hermione ignored me and got Abby out of the bed. She took the sheets with her leaving me in the nude. I quickly used me pillow to hide my tiny shame.

"That was sensational Harry." said Abby with a smile.

"Go to my room and find something to wear" ordered Hermione, "Ron's downstairs with Hannah, Neville and Hagrid. And Harry you stay here, I need a word with you". She scowled. "What were you thinking, you idiot!"

"Hermione, nothing happened between me and Abby! I promise. It was just some nude French kissing, that's all".

It sounded worse when I said it out loud.

"How am I supposed to tell Ginny" she asked. "It'll break her heart. Do you want that?"

"Hermione, I didn't want to do it, I swear you have to understand, it was like she put a spell on me. I love Ginny; I would never cheat on her. You know me better than that."

It was the truth, now that I think about it, even though she's a muggle, she still could've slipped me a love potion.

"Hermione, is Harry awake yet?" Ron's voice came from the corridor.

"We'll continue this later" she said as she stalked off.

I looked around and gathered my clothes, got dressed and then walked downstairs for breakfast with my old friend and professor, Hagrid. It was my final day on this mission, after this I had one train ride and then, I was home free, that was unless I got called for another mission, which I really didn't want to do right now. Maybe I'd hang up my badge when I get back, or maybe I could ask Hoodspank for a vacation. As I considered these thoughts, I loud bang and several shrieks came from downstairs. I immediately grabbed my wand and rushed downstairs only to hear someone shout my name and then everything went black.


	8. The Last Day Part 1

**Authors Note:** This Chapter isn't much either. Its just here to build up to **The Last day (Part 2)**, which i'm gonna try to make long, funny, and interesting. Also, Fred is back! so its a bit AU 'cause in my story, Fred did not die.

So here is Chapter 8, and please like i said... Review it.

* * *

**CHAPTER EIGHT**

**The Last Day (Part 1)**

"Harry? Wake up; come on it wasn't that bad"

I woke up on the floor and stared into George's face.

Wait George face?

I quickly pulled myself up and saw the smiling faces of the Fred and George.

"You ok?" Fred asked.

"Yeah" I replied, "what happened though? I heard a band"

"Oh don't worry about that" said George smiling. "It's our new product, knocks out everyone in the room."

I stared at him. "Why would you make something like that?"

"A quick getaway of course" It was Fred who spoke… I think.

Hagrid was sitting on a table in one of the corners. He looked pretty drowsy. Sitting next to him was Ron, Hermione, Neville, Hannah and just my luck, Ginny. I walked over and sat down next to them.

"Hey! Its Harry" said Hagrid right before he dropped his head onto the table.

"Hagrid are you drunk?"

"…." I got my answer.

We ate our breakfast and caught up with the twins. Ginny had asked Hoodspank if she could accompany us on our trip on the Hogwarts express.

When we finished eating, Hermione got up and walked over to the stairs. Then she suddenly stopped.

"Guys?" She said.

"Yeah" we answered in muffled voices.

"What about Abby?" She looked up the stairs, "Where is she going to go? Her parents are dead."

"She can come with us". I answered a little faster than I should have. Ginny looked at me.

"The girl from across the street?" I guess no one had told Ginny about Abby yet. Hermione and Hannah did most of the explaining and it was decided that Abby would stay with us until we could find her a home. I personally didn't like this idea, because I was sure Abby would try to do 'stuff' with me again.

After breakfast, Hagrid walked, or crawled if you prefer, out of the inn and the rest of us got to packing for our leave. I took Ginny up to my room. BIG mistake.

We walked in the door and right there, on the floor next to my bed, was a pair of panties. I can assure you, they weren't mine.

Ginny looked at me with another confused.

Luckily for me, Hermione, who happened to be walking by, noticed the tension and came to my rescue.

"Oh sorry about that" Said Hermione. She walked in and picked up the pair. "I had a Panty war with Ron earlier.

Ginny laughed.

THANK GOD.

Actually I shouldn't be thanking God just yet. God was definitely going to punish me for this. I knew Ginny would find out, I just didn't think it would be that soon, boy was I wrong.

We apparated this time. Straight on board the Hogwarts express, which was standing ready in all its steaming glory at platform 9 ¾ at Kings Cross Station.


	9. The Last Day Part 2

**AN:** The end is here... finally a chapter that isn't too short. so tell me what u think. hate it? love it? suggestions? feel free to comment.

* * *

**CHAPTER NINE**

**The Last Day (Part 2)**

We were on the Hogwarts Express. Hermione and Neville were talking to the driver up front. The rest of us were sitting in a compartment near the middle of the train.

Ginny, Fred, George, Hannah, Ron, Abby and me, our group of 5 had turned to 9. Ginny, Fred, Abby and George were just there for the ride, the rest of us actually had business to attend to.

Now instead of boring you to tears now, I'm going to skip the first hour or two of the journey.

Everything was going fine. It was great to see the smiling faces of all the children going to Hogwarts. I even saw some faces I recognized. And everyone definitely recognized me.

The problem came later on. It was suggested that I stay in the compartment with Abby, Hannah and George, while Fred, Neville, Ginny, Hermione, and Ron patrolled the train making sure everything was all right. This wasn't the problem. The problem was a smell that lodged itself across the train. Yes, the smell of shit. At first I ignored it thinking maybe some first year kid had a nervous breakdown and shit his little 11 year old ass. But just moments before I was about to mention it, Fred pulled our compartment door open. He didn't have to say anything, Hannah George and I followed while Abby stayed.

Fred took us into the next car, where the rest of the Aurors were. Kids were looking at us 8 out of their doors now.

"He's here" said Hermione.

"The diarrhea dick?" asked Ron.

"How about we call him the DD from now on?" Hannah suggested

Sure's and fine's were mumbled out.

We decided to do an immediate safety check of every cabin in two's. Ron and I started at the end of the train. At first we didn't find anything more than empty compartments and some scared faces. But about seven compartments into the search, we found something.

The co particle was empty, but what grabbed our attention was the fact that the window was broken. Sharp pieces of broken glass were scattered on the floor and many of them were dripping in red-hot blood.

Ron, being the ultimate pussy he is, let out a shriek and fainted at the sight of blood. Some of the kids poked their heads out of their compartments but I shooed them back in.

Neville and Fred came running into our car with their wands held up.

"What happens?" asked Fred as he ran over to his brother lying unconscious on the floor.

I didn't have to answer; Neville was already surveying the broken window.

"Stop the train, now!" he said.

Fred sent out his patronas to the front of the train and I immediately stopped.

The rest of the Auror crew came running into the compartment.

"Did you find him?" I'm not sure who asked that. I was too busy wondering what we should do. There were hundreds of kids on the train.

"Let's get the kids of the train" I suggested.

"Where are we going to take them? There are hundreds of kids here" said Hermione.

I thought about what she said and looked out through the window. A nice cold breeze came in. The sky was filled with grey clouds and it looked like it could rain any minute.

In the distance I could see large rolling hills. It looked beautiful.

The dark green grass was swimming around in the wind and far away, at the foot of the hills was a barn and a farm house.

The only thing ruining the moment was a blood stained broken window, the lingering smell of shit and the fact that it was being emitted by a deadly criminal on the loose.

I was about to say something but was interrupted. Not by a person, but by the train itself. There was a loud creaking sound and the train shook.

Just spittle at first but then there was sudden jerk and the entire train was lifted up from one side and started shaking violently.

"Everybody off!" yelled Neville.

There were a few screams here and there. The corridors became flooded with students carrying whatever they could. Evacuating the train didn't take as long as I thought I would, it was less than a minute. When everyone was got off, we decided to run the corridors to make sure no one was still inside. When I reached to the middle of the train I found Abby in the same compartment we were sitting in before. The problem? She was possessed. I know, great timing...

Just like last time, she was naked and ugly again. She was sitting on the seat with her eyes closed. I shook her, but she didn't respond. The train shook again, this time knocking me off my feet. I quickly got back on my feet and grabbed Abby. She was surprisingly light, but this was no time to focus on the fact that I was holding a nude, unconscious teenager; it was the time to focus on saving both our butts from a huge train wreck.

Everyone else was already outside. Just steps away from an exit I heard Ginny's screams.

"Harry! Harry! Where are you?"

I ran out of the train with Abby in my arms. Hermione was the first to see me. She ran over and graves Abby from me. I was sweating bait and the cold breeze felt good on my face.

Fred, George, Ron and Hannah, along with the Hogwarts staff from the train, were directing the students away from the train towards the farm house in the distance.

Hermione saw me looking at them.

"That farm house belongs to the head of the department of mysteries" she said, "he's not there, but we contacted him and he told us to keep the kids safe inside. It's protected by magic"

"Are they sending us any backup?" I asked, "And what happened to the train by the way?" I looked over at it, it seemed perfectly calm now. None of us found the DD.

"I don't know what happened to the train, but Hoodspank sent over a few Aurors by floo powder" said Hermione as she pointed at a group of people walking towards us from the house.

Ginny had joined the students and everyone else and was taking them into the house. I was about to go join them, but then, I don't know why, but for some reason I thought about Ginny. What would happen if she found out about Abby? Or what if we weren't able to fight of the DD and I died with the guilt of having cheated on her. I turned around to look at the train once again but instead found the reason for my despair filled thoughts. Flying towards us was a flock of 50 or so, soul-sucking Dementors.

* * *

What happened after that is still pretty hazy to me, so before I go on I think a small recap is in order.

There were about 50 Dementors flying towards us in the distance. All the kids were safely in the farm house, except for about 30 seventeen year olds who wanted to stay and help. And there were 16 Aurors/Adult wizards.

At first I was worried, it had been a while since the last time o had seen a Dementor. But before I got too worried, the crowd behind me let off a few dozen patronesses into the sky. Some Dementors, the ones closest, ran for it. Others just spread out. I quickly sent up my stag as well. It seemed almost too easy... It was.

Something was wrong, I mean, other than the fact we were being attacked by Dementors.

It was the smell of shit, it had just gotten 10 times worse, and it didn't take us long to figure out why.

I heard the curse.

There was an explosion, right in the middle of two of the Aurors, they both went flying back.

The curse was "Diarreio"


	10. The Last Day Part 3

**CHAPTER TEN**

**The Last Day (Part 3)**

* * *

_Something was wrong, I mean, other than the fact we were being attacked by Dementors._

_It was the smell of shit, it had just gotten 10 times worse, and it didn't take us long to figure out why._

_I heard the curse._

_There was an explosion, right in the middle of two of the Aurors, they both went flying back._

_The curse was "Diarreio"_

I jumped around, just to come face-to-face with the explosive DD himself. He looked exactly like Sirius did when I first met him in the shrieking shack. A timeless, bony face, and black, shoulder length hair.

"Stupefy!" I yelled as quickly as I could.

I pointed my wand at him, but my spell wasn't the only one that hit him. About 4 other spells had been cast towards him at that very same moment. He lay silently on the ground, a trickle of blood gushing from his head. I stepped over the wiry figure, to see how much damage we'd caused. It took me a few seconds to figure out he wasn't breathing. We had just killed the DD.

And that was it.

I felt empty.

It was too easy.

I took it too seriously.

I never thought I would say this, but I actually miss Voldemort. Without him, there is nothing that makes me unique. I am just another grain of sand. Tossed by water and wind. And there are trillions of other grains around me. That was my place now.

The DD was no match for me. I had already taken on the biggest thing there was and now, the rest of this world just isn't enough anymore.

All my life I wanted it to end. And now that it has, I find myself trying to restart it. So I actually have something to live for.

Another cool breeze came in, and I looked around at the de-railed train, the faces of my friends, and the farm house in the distance. And I honestly had no idea where I was suppose to go from here.

Home?

Other than Hogwarts, I had no home. And I've been fooling myself ever since Voldemort feel that I have one. And as I stood there watching everyone celebrate on a job well done. Ron, Ginny and Hermione came up to me.

Hermione hugged me. Ron gave me a high five. And then Ginny held me, and kissed me lovingly.

And as I held her in my arms, I realized that I now had the chance to live my life freely. Even though I was no longer the chosen one. I could create my own life now. Ginny and I were going to start a family. And we were going to be happy. No kid would ever have to suffer the way I did, ever again.


	11. The Official End

**The Official End**

* * *

So, i finally gave it a real ending. i put part 3 off for such a long time 'cause i lost interest but now, i felt like i should gave it some sort of ending, no matter how bad it is. So i apologize for the delay. and i apologize for not giving it an epic ending but this is really what i saw it would be like. this is how i think harry would feel for a while after the death of Voldemort. Anyway, Thanks for reading!

i hope you enjoyed :D

**leave a review** if there was something you found interesting or have anything else to say.


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